Today has been a bad day.

I woke up several times last night with a stomach ache and I have no idea what it was from. The first time I woke up I decided immediately I would not be waking up at 5:00 am to make it to master swim. So I turned that alarm off and set another for an hour later, or so I thought. I ended up waking up a whole 15 minutes before I had to be to work. Crap. So I jumped out of bed brushed my teeth and through together an outfit in no time.  I ended up being only 5 minutes late considering but I absolutely hate being late.

And the second I sat at my desk all the problems started. I felt uncomfortable all day, I hated my outfit. I felt like it was unflattering and was the main cause of my being uncomfortable. I keep sitting it weird positions all day trying to disguise my stomach which eventually made my back ache. My hair looked dreadful, I didn’t even have time to put a brush through it. I barely swept any makeup on my face which has been revolting against me and is severely broken out. I felt like I look like a wreak and it really took a toll on me mentally.

With all this going through my brain I could hardly concentrate on the work I should have been doing and instead got caught up on my blog reading. Once I finished reading all the posts in my reader I turned to food to distract me. Now this obviously does make sense, I felt uncomfortable because I felt fat yet food will somehow make me feel better? Well after a few granola bars, a couple cookies, and a pint of ice cream, I did not feel better. Shocking.

I started this blog a couple of months ago as a way to keep track of workouts, track weight loss, and keep myself accountable. I have failed miserably at all three. On April 13th I weighed 153.4 with hopes of being 130 by the end of June. Well, on June 1st I weighed myself hoping to make a fresh start and get back on track, I weighed 164.6, the highest I have ever weighed. I didn’t freak out –or at least I tried not to- I just made myself recommit to my efforts. My last weigh in came in at 152.4 – the first time I have come below my starting weight from April 13th. I had lost 12 pound in 16 days.  This made me the happiest girl in the world and sadly I decided to celebrate the good news with over eating, fail.

Anyways, this post is suppose to be leading to how unhealthy my relationship with food is. I have an all or nothing attitude that needs to change. My weight determines my mood. I skip outings with friends to avoid overeating and drinking. And instead end up overeating another day when I’m feeling lonely. If my pants feel tight it makes me depressed and uncomfortable, and I talk all the time about how I want to lose weight, no matter what the scales says. My lowest weight post high school (I never weighed myself until about a year after I graduated -when I first joined a gym) was 121 and even then I talked about losing more weight.

 

Right now my biggest goal is to try and obtain a healthy relationship with food. I want to be able to eat just one of the cookies my coworker brought to work, instead of waiting until no one is around and eating 10. I want to be able to eat healthy but not obsessively track my calories because if I eat anything over 1300 all my efforts will be ruining and I will gain weight.

I am commit to having a healthy relationship with food.

Workout Recap

May 8, 2011

For the week of 5/2/11:

Monday: Rest

Tuesday: Rest

Wednesday: Bike ~45  min

Thursday: Bike ~1 hr.

Friday: Swim 1:20

Saturday: Rest

Sunday: Rest

I had planned on starting Jillian Michaels 30 day shred this week and actually complete this every day for 30 days. Well that did not happen because I got wrapped up doing other things and have felt less than spectacular this week. My revised plan is to do the JM’s 30 day shred 3 times a week.

Friday I made it to my first Master Swim Team practice at 5 AM. It was hard waking up this early but I have no problem doing it when I feel like I have an obligation. I woke up at 5 AM  twice a week for morning swim/weights in high school and almost never missed it yet I try to wake up at 5 AM to do a workout DVD before work and it almost never happens, go figure. The practice goes from 5 AM to 6:45 AM but since I have to be at work at 7 AM I got out of the pool at about 6:20 AM. Lucky I am not the only one who has to leave a little bit early for work. The practice went well, my arms were exhausted by the end of it but I made it through. I started off in the beginners lane mostly because I was not sure of the skill level of the team as a whole and I have never been a super speedy swimmer and its been years since I swam on a regular basis. The coach quickly moved me to the next lane up which made me feel a little better about my skills. I stayed behind everyone in my lane which may have been a mistake because I had to keep slowing down. Regardless though I got in a good workout and meet a lot of nice people.

Yesterday I woke up at 9 AM  to go to Kickboxing. I had a cup of coffee and was feeling a little bit better and really wanted to get a workout in. It wasn’t until I was running out the door to make it to the class on time that I realized how crappy I was feeling. I was still intent on doing the workout and told my self I will take it easy if I need to. Well I got to the class right on time and was the only one to  show up! I thought about driving to my normal gym and getting some cardio in but decided to run some errands instead and got preoccupied for the rest of the day.

I am happy I got the workouts I did in but I also believe they escalated my cold. I have progressively felt worse every day and am taking today easy in hopes I will feel better by tomorrow morning for my masters swim team.

Here is my plan for week of 5/9:

5/9: Swim ~1:30

5/10: 30D Shred / Bike

5/11: Swim ~ 1:30

5/12: 30D Shred / Bike

5/13: Swim ~ 1:30

5/14: Kickboxing

5/15: 30D Shred / Run/Walk 1m

This week I start my class for lifeguard certification.The class is on Mon/Wed/Fri at 4 PM – 9 PM for two weeks. So I will only be able to  get in swimming in the morning these days.  I want to start waking up at the same time every weekday so on Tues/Thursday I will wake up at 5, do JM’s 30 day shred, get ready and then bike to work.

Yesterday

My friend had BBQ for her birthday yesterday. It was potluck style and she asked everyone to bring a side dish. I love to bake and decided to make cup cakes

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Some had cream cheese frosting and some chocolate, all were devils food cake cake mix. They. were. so. good. I had two :/ I also made guacamole which ended up back in my fridge because two other people brought guac! I will definitely be eating it through out this week.

What I wore

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Seven jeans are great for weight gain. They are so stretchy they usually remain comfortable even if they are a little tight. The only thing I hate is having to wear lose tops cause my muffin top is seriously out of control. My coat also has a hood on it. Perfect for the out  door BBQ when it has been raining outside all day. I never took my jacket off.

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I ended up only staying a couple hours, long enough to eat and drink a little wine. I still didn’t feel very good and it was not fun standing outside in the rain. I came home and was asleep by 9, awesome.

While I was baking yesterday I finally got a frame for a needle point my Mom made for me a while ago and hung it up.

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Isn’t is so sweet? Makes me miss my Mom.

Happy Mothers Day to all the moms out there! I wish I could spend the day with my mom!

Week 4 Weigh In

May 6, 2011

Weight as of 5/5: 156

Well the scale is going in the opposite direction that I want it to :/ But given the fact that I have been on vacation pretty much all month I am not surprised. I unrealistically thought I could go out of town and not drink and eat myself silly. This did not happen, case in point:

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First night in Seattle

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Second night in Seattle – Best $5 wine ever

And there was a lot more where that came from but that was all I documented.

I have had a rough month but am ready to get back into it and have been doing well this week. Food wise, Monica shared a great acronym the other day: HALT – Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. I am an emotional eater and thinking about this acronym (and maybe even writing it out on the fridge) will help stop my urge to over eat when I am feeling angry, lonely, or tired. Lately I have been lonely after getting home from work and this is when I end up over eating the most often.

Also helpful, having a small – re: less than 100 calorie – treat after dinner. Tonight I had a VitaTop, so good and only 100 calories.

vitatop

Source

And last night I had 4 yogurt covered almonds. Having something sweet after dinner gives a cue to my body that it is time to stop eating.

Workout

Biking ~1 hr.

I rode to work for the first time today and it was not as bad as I envisioned. It required a little more planning and preparing Wednesday night and moving my alarm clock across the room so that I wouldn’t press the snooze button ten times. But I did it and it was trying and cold but like I said not that bad. I then rode the bike shop to get my card stamped for the Commuters Challenge.

Conveniently, the gym I go to is only about a mile up the street from my house and the bike trail across the street leads right to it. So when I was on my way to the bike shop I stopped by the gym really quickly to sign up for 2 things: American Red Cross Lifeguard Certification and a Masters Swim Team. I am really excited for both. My first swim with the masters team is at 5 am tomorrow morning, I hope I don’t sleep in!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

I have been in California 13 days this month. This made me realize how much I truly miss the place. When I first moved I never thought I would miss it so much.

Here are some pics from my trips:

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I love the Dodgers and got to go to their Opening Series!

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I DO NOT miss the traffic Smile 

Unfortunately, I did not do good eating or exercise wise on either trips. Since I usually do not get to venture to So Cal very often the first trip I was gun ho about eating at restaurants I have not been to and about going out – re: drinking – with friends. I anticipated this and when I got back I went right back to eating very well. The second trip was unexpected and ended up being very emotionally exhausting, which manifested itself into lots of emotional eating. This did not get better once I got home. All I have been doing this week is work, sleep, and eat. No fun. Both trips I packed my running shoes and workout clothes and ended up using them once. Which I guess is better than nothing.

Next week I will be in Seattle and will work on doing better.